Who Am I?

[Guest]

[sketchqueen]

Who am I? Has been a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. What will become public knowledge shortly, is that today, July 31st, 2007, is my last day with Rittenhouse Archives. I had, rightly or wrongly, so loved my job that it quickly became part of who I considered myself to be - I "was" customer service for Rittenhouse. Now that I'm not, I'm not sure I can define who I am. My beloved husband asked me the other night, what did I want to do (with the rest of my life was insinuated, but wisely not spoken ) and I found I couldn't answer it. It is difficult for me to separate "who" I am from "what' I do - I am a wife and a mother - that's also what I do - I take care of the people in this house - I cook meals, wash clothes, pick up after them,  transport them around town, etc. - but is that who I am?

So... who are you, I ask, in the hopes that it will help me figure out who I am.

[Roz]

In my opinion who you are is who you are at home, your relationship with friends and family close to you. Who you are at work is something that inspires you, makes your day busy and interesting, that contributes to your life, gives you a track and direction and preferably that makes you happy and keeps food (& cards) coming through the door.

A job is a big part of your life. What's always interested you? Would something business related inspire you or was there some subject at school you'd fancied taking further and researching?

[Nienna]

Well first above everything else, you're Joanna ... no if's buts or maybes. 
It's so easy to lose sight of who we are as people once we become one half of a partnership - "Hi, you're Robert's wife" ... rather than "Hi Joanna" and then having children our identity melds into "Hi so-and-so's Mum" rather than "Hi Joanna".
We've all done it on the playground/at the school gates and it's easy to understand why it happens - each of has to have a reference point somewhere along the way so we know exactly who we mean and who we're talking to, but I know how you feel and it's a hard thing to claw back.

I also think it's one of the hardest things to recover from where you feel your whole identity is defined by the job you love so much - once the job has gone, then where next?
I don't mean to pry, but was it your decision to leave Rittenhouse or was it something they decided for you?
The reason I ask is that the circumstances of you leaving will have a profound effect on where you go next and how long it will take you to build your sense of self and self-esteem back up again.
I no way should you belittle the important job of caring for your family and home either - it's one of the hardest jobs with the longest hours you'll ever do and the fact that you've worked whilst doing it is to be admired - not everyone can do both and do them well you know ... 
There's no easy answers I'm afraid and I think you'll probably go through a grieving stage for the job you're leaving which I hope won't last too long and be too painful for you - well I hope not at any rate - you need to look back to the woman you were before you married and rediscover yourself that way ... what was it about you made your husband fall in love with you and marry you - the essence of Joanna ...

Sorry if that was a bit long-winded ... 

[tialessa]

<<< Joanna >>>  Doing something new is always a bit of a challenge.

When I was in college the first question anyone asked was "What's your Major?" now that I'm in the workplace it's "Where do you work?" and "What do you do?"  I'm an administrative assistant, but really I help folks get organized & stay organized.  I get the most value out of knowing I'm an important part of the team and I contribute to the end result.  My spare time goes to helping out my sister & brother-in-law two nights a week, working late two nights a week, and being a bookworm/movie worm two days a week...  I'm a mom to three furry children and a favorite aunt (yes, I DO use bribery)...

My sister also has this "Who Am I?" going on.  She's a wife with 4 young children (the oldest is going into Pre-K this year).  She's a graphic designer and takes small jobs on part-time.  In a few years - once they're all out of the house for periods of time she'll be faced with the "what do I do now?" that all mothers deal with eventually.  She is active at church & in a MOPS program (monthly).

What are YOU interested in?  Do you want to volunteer or do you want to look for a part-time (or full-time) job?  Do you want to take classes?  Do you want to continue to help others?  If so, in what capacity?

[sketchqueen]

Nienna - it was decided for me. And, feel free to be long-winded, Lord knows, I can be (and often am!)

Lessa - I too find much joy in volunteering - but by it's nature, volunteer work doesn't pay. And an income is necessary, unfortunately. Ideally, I'd love to stay home and mother my young ones until both were in school full time - but it seems there's a different plan for me. I've been considering going back to school and completing my Bachelor's in English but it's soo expensive and I wonder what I would do from there ...

[Nienna]

I truly AM sorry about the decision being made for you ... I know how much you enjoyed the job ... 

What about online learning or e-learning as it's often known. Would that be feasible for you to do to either learn something different or to finish-off your degree?
There's a lady I know in NJ who has five children, works part-time in her local store at weekends (which she loathes) and who has studied online for nursing qualifications. Needless to say it's taken her quite some time to finish her course (having babies and her beloved Mum dying suddenly along the way hasn't speeded it up any  ) ... but she's done it and has finally qualified and the last I heard she intended nursing ASAP. I think she's superwoman the way she's juggled family, work and studying ... such dedication is inspirational ... it doesn't hurt the fact that she'll earn a great deal more nursing than she's ever done working at the store, so her determination to succeed is understandable.

I wasn't working for many years because of family circumstances, in fact I thought I'd never be employed again because my old skills were no longer needed and my age was becoming a factor too. My cousin gave me a kick up the behind and told me to try for a temporary job where she was working ... I went and was lucky enough to get the job (I suspect that for once I happened to be in the right place at the right time) and after three months I had the chance to apply for a permanent postion there and got that too - imagine how strange that was for me to slowly come to realise that somebody thought I was worth employing after so many years out of the workplace.
I had absolutely no confidence and had become invisible ... I was always 'Adam's Mum' ... never me in my own right ... it took many many months for be to become used to working again and to become more the person I used to be. My son didn't want me to return to work either - he was worried in case something happened to the house  ... he was told in no uncertain terms that if I didn't take this job then I might not be offered another (like everywhere, half-decent jobs are hard to find) and that there was no way I was stopping at home just to look after the house! HaHa!!   
I understood why he was so anxious too - I'd always been at home whilst he was little and then started school and it took him a while to adjust to the changes just as much as me.

I admire those who undertake voluntary work of whatever sort - it's never appealed to me and like you say, by it's nature the work is unpaid which is no use if you need the income.
Has your husband left there too or is he still employed by them? Do you have other family members nearby or are they miles away?
What a pity you don't live nearer to Artbox ... 

[tialessa]

When you decide to look for another job (and have an updated resume), I highly recommend a reputable staffing agency.  A local one found me my last three jobs - all of which I enjoyed (and a previous one or two which I didn't, but were simply short-term solutions and both the agency & I knew it).

[kbmum]

Leaving a job is a big challenge, whether you leave on your own or not.  You might feel a bit rudderless for a while.  I quit a job I loved to stay home with my then one-year-old twins.  I want to be home with them, but I miss working and having good conversation with adults (by the end of the day, my brain is fried from talking about Super Mario and Disney Princesses).  I now do part-time work from home, but the work isn't steady and it does not come close to replacing the income I once had.

While you're trying to decide what your next step will be, you should try to enjoy the extra time you'll have with the kids and maybe reconnect with old friends or look into hobbies that you used to like, but had no time to do.  If you think you'd like to go back to school, you could set up an appointment with the admissions office.  It sounds like you attended college at one point, and many schools have programs to help adults return to finish their degrees.  You might even get credit for work experience.  In fact, if there is a college or university close to you, they are usually a great place to work and often offer tuition remission for the employee, his or her spouse, and their children.  I worked at Boston University for many years, and it was amazing the number of people who worked there only to put themselves or their kids through school.

I agree with tialessa that an employment agency is the way to go to find another job, even if you aren't sure what line of work you might want to do.  One appointment where they review your skills and resume could really help, and they might have ideas for employment that you wouldn't otherwise have considered.

If you want to talk privately about anything, I'm just a PM away.  Good luck, hon!

[De Orc]

Good luck with whatever you decide to do in the future    The one thing I will say is that you can become whomever you want & if you set your mind to it you can do whatever you like    If you can survive been customer service you can survive anything 

[Bogleg]

This is a big surprise to me Joanna. I can only hope your leaving was for cost-cutting reasons. You service to me, the members of this forum and countless collectors on Card Talk has been up there with the very best.
Your special touch will be missed. All the best for the future.

[Kelly]

Have you looked into substitute teaching?  I'm not sure about your state, but in Florida I think you only need an AA degree to start and you can be home when your kids are home.  It's not for me, since I have no patience with children other than my own,    but a freind of mine just signed up for it today. 

[sketchqueen]

Thanks for the kindness - many of you have said things that I hadnt thought of, so I'm looking into some different things. I'll keep you posted

[Raj]

Sorry to hear about this.  I'm sure that you'll be a success at whatever you decide to do.

[sketchqueen]

So I am now again among the gainfully employed (well sort of gainfully) - I'm working as a babysitter in a local gym's kids club working when my boys are in school. So it works out nicely. Thank for all your prayers and kindness - when I really needed it, you didn't hesitate to provide it Even if I'm not taking care of you all anymore ...

[Nienna]

You're very welcome Joanna!! ((HUG))
I'm really pleased to hear you've found something that a) pays you money and b) fits around when your kids are in school - those of us with youngsters/teenagers know how difficult it is to find work which is flexible with child-care commitments and I hope you get as much pleasure out of this job as you did you previous one!  

[sketchqueen]

I'll never have a job like the one at Rittenhouse - being able to merge my hobby and my profession and work with some of the most amazing clients (that'd be y'all) was just a blessing. It's still hard to sit on the side and watch Robert continue to work for the company - it's hard cause you know, he doesn't wanna talk to me about it, cause he's worried I'm going to burst into tears *lol* but he's my husband so I want him to be able to share what he did at work, etc.

My new clients are all 3months old - 10 years old and so far it's going well a few tears, a few unhappy separations from mom, but for the most part, it's fun. Not too many hours though - I'm kind of scared to see the first paycheck *lol* Worried there will be more taxes taken out than I actually get money *lol* Gotta love the government!

[tialessa]

My new clients are all 3months old - 10 years old and so far it's going well a few tears, a few unhappy separations from mom, but for the most part, it's fun. Not too many hours though - I'm kind of scared to see the first paycheck *lol* Worried there will be more taxes taken out than I actually get money *lol* Gotta love the government!

But I bet you get lots of extra hugs!  Glad you're enjoy it so far!

[sketchqueen]

Okay. Now I KNOW that this is funny. It has to be, or else God is having one heck of a cosmic joke at my expense *lol* So, I got my VERY first paycheck today ...

I'll admit that I had been feeling a little underpaid at Rittenhouse *blush* that maybe I was going way above and beyond and not reaping the financial benefits therewith, but, this paycheck puts all of that into perspective ...

Now - no tea and sympathy please - just tell me that this is the funniest thing you've read (today at least) ...


My 1st paycheck was Fed Ex'ed to my location (woo!) and was $4.44. Yes folks, that's FOUR dollars and forty-four cents. The taxman cometh and took all my money *lol* Quite literally. I think the Fed Ex fees were higher than that check *lol*

[tialessa]

My 1st paycheck was Fed Ex'ed to my location (woo!) and was $4.44. Yes folks, that's FOUR dollars and forty-four cents. The taxman cometh and took all my money *lol* Quite literally. I think the Fed Ex fees were higher than that check *lol*

That's just wrong... I'd check the tax forms you filled out... bad taxman!

[sketchqueen]

In the township that I'm working in, they take out a one-time tax for all employees who earn more than $12,000 a year in that township. Seeing how I'll not earn that (in what? 3 and 1/2 months), I can get it back when I file my taxes in 2008, but for now, it's all theirs. Hopefully the next check in October will be better, but it's funny to see such a pitiful check. And then to have had it Fed Ex'd over *lol*